My insomnia led me to still be awake the whole night and suddenly it was 9:30 in the morning. I don’t usually sleep till 2 am but in the last week I’ve been going to bed later and later. I’m just not tired. That’s my normal status. It’s how I’ve always been. 4-5 hours sleep every night and 8 hours 1 night a week! I put it onto my thyroid being overactive. But then what was it when I was a child? And then a teenager?
The last month I’ve been very ill. I’d stopped my thyroid medication about 6 months back because at the time I got ill over a period of 2 weeks whilst taking them. The symptoms were over tiredness and absolutely no energy to do anything other than literally lie in bed and read or watch movies on my computer. Once the realization hit me that it could be my pills, I stopped them. The next day I immediately felt better. After 3 days I took my thyroid medication again. Later in the day I felt the same as before-tired again and totally no energy. Then I knew that I didn’t need to take the medication anymore (with a joy inside me that is indescribable).
You might ask why i didn’t go and test my T3’s and T4’s? I was diagnosed with an overactive thyroid seven years ago whilst living in Berlin and after going through the pains of bankruptcy of my clothes shop in which I had put in every ounce of energy and money I had (and also didn’t have) at the time. Since then it’s been an on and off the medication. I’ve also gone through so much sh** in this time concerning my health. At it’s worst point I had the symptoms of manic depression. I loved the highs-I was the king, exuberant with electric energy and “can do anything” willpower. And then came the lows-so fast that the change happened within minutes! Death was suddenly a welcome relief! The blackness of my feelings were indescribable. When I told this all to my GP in London, all I got was that the thyroid medication would alleviate the effects……THEY DID NOT!!!!!!
That was 3 years ago in 2009. I quit my job as an “Employment and Training Consultant” after being ill for months because I knew I couldn’t go on. I rented out my mortgaged apartment and for the second time in my life I turned my back on London and went back to Berlin where all my friends are. The next year was a year of intense learning and healing. I tried out countless holistic therapies and had so many experienced “Heilpraktiker” Healing Practitioners to help and support me. This was a very important year for me and I will go into it in detail at a later point on my blog. In the end I didn’t heal my Thyroid, but my soul slept comfortable and warm within my body again and my mind listened to it! So yes I did heal a great deal.
Now where was I?? Test or no test? To be honest I don’t think I needed one.
I came to Bangladesh in February last year to help my father. It’s a family matter to do with land ownership. Another topic for another day but it was, and still is a huge pain up the backside!
Anyway, I’d left all of the modern day stress a man faces in Berlin or London. Trying to make ends meet with jobs that I grew to hate sooner or later-flying constantly between London, Berlin and Zurich (my daughter is here with her mother).
We split up when my daughter was just a year old and I had a hellish five years before coming to terms with it. I’ve been a good father and have done my best to be one. I am usually on very good terms with A. (my ex and mother of my child). This didn’t happen overnight. It was a long battle of egos and acceptance driven by our mutual love for our daughter.
I only want to be happy!! When I came to Asia (whether Bangladesh or Cambodia) I saw happiness everywhere! People had nothing compared to all the inflated illusory needs that were constantly fulfilled only to create a new one and then run after it….stressed, empty and needy! Yes, I was one of those and will probably become one again at some point. But right now I am not! I am happy and with most aspects of my life. I don’t dwell on the past and am not interested in the future. I live here, NOW!!!! That’s all that matters to me!!
Wow, what a tangent. Yes, my insomnia……?? I try to do the best with what I got (or not, meaning sleep!) So I cooked a delicious meal at 10am this morning. I’ll post the recipe tomorrow!
Thank you for dropping by and I look forward to your questions and comments!