Mad as a Foodie (Nutty like a Cook)!

My insomnia led me to still be awake the whole night and suddenly it was 9:30 in the morning. I don’t usually sleep till 2 am but in the last week I’ve been going to bed later and later. I’m just not tired. That’s my normal status. It’s how I’ve always been. 4-5 hours sleep every night and 8 hours 1 night a week! I put it onto my thyroid being overactive. But then what was it when I was a child? And then a teenager?

The last month I’ve been very ill. I’d stopped my thyroid medication about 6 months back because at the time I got ill over a period of 2 weeks whilst taking them. The symptoms were over tiredness and absolutely no energy to do anything other than literally lie in bed and read or watch movies on my computer. Once the realization hit me that it could be my pills, I stopped them. The next day I immediately felt better. After 3 days I took my thyroid medication again. Later in the day I felt the same as before-tired again and totally no energy. Then I knew that I didn’t need to take the medication anymore (with a joy inside me that is indescribable).

You might ask why i didn’t go and test my T3’s and T4’s? I was diagnosed with an overactive thyroid seven years ago whilst living in Berlin and after going through the pains of bankruptcy of my clothes shop in which I had put in every ounce of energy and money I had (and also didn’t have) at the time. Since then it’s been an on and off the medication. I’ve also gone through so much sh**  in this time concerning my health. At it’s worst point I had the symptoms of manic depression. I loved the highs-I was the king, exuberant with electric energy and “can do anything” willpower.  And then came the lows-so fast that the change happened within minutes! Death was suddenly a welcome relief! The blackness of my feelings were indescribable. When I told this all to my GP in London, all I got was that the thyroid medication would alleviate the effects……THEY DID NOT!!!!!!

That was 3 years ago in 2009. I quit my job as an “Employment and Training Consultant” after being ill for months because I knew I couldn’t go on. I rented out my mortgaged apartment and for the second time in my life I turned my back on London and went back to Berlin where all my friends are. The next year was a year of intense learning and healing. I tried out countless holistic therapies and had so many experienced “Heilpraktiker” Healing Practitioners to help and support me. This was a very important year for me and I will go into it in detail at a later point on my blog. In the end I didn’t heal my Thyroid, but my soul slept comfortable and warm within my body again and my mind listened to it! So yes I did heal a great deal.

Now where was I?? Test or no test? To be honest I don’t think I needed one.

I came to Bangladesh  in February last year  to help my father. It’s a family matter to do with land ownership. Another topic for another day but it was, and still is a huge pain up the backside!

Anyway, I’d left all of the modern day stress a man faces in Berlin or London. Trying to make ends meet with jobs that I grew to hate sooner or later-flying constantly between London, Berlin and Zurich (my daughter is here with her mother).

We split up when my daughter was just a year old and I had a hellish five years before coming to terms with it. I’ve been a good father and have done my best to be one. I am usually on very good terms with A. (my ex and mother of my child). This didn’t happen overnight. It was a long battle of egos and acceptance driven by our mutual love for our daughter.

I only want to be happy!! When I came to Asia (whether Bangladesh or Cambodia) I saw happiness everywhere! People had nothing compared to all the inflated illusory needs that were constantly fulfilled only to create a new one and then run after it….stressed, empty and needy! Yes, I was one of those and will probably become one again at some point. But right now I am not! I am happy and with most aspects of my life. I don’t dwell on the past and am not interested in the future. I live here, NOW!!!! That’s all that matters to me!!

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Wow, what a tangent. Yes, my insomnia……??  I try to do the best with what I got (or not, meaning sleep!) So I cooked a delicious meal at 10am this morning. I’ll post the recipe tomorrow!

Thank you for dropping by and I look forward to your questions and comments!

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Categories: About me, Love & Relationships, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

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7 thoughts on “Mad as a Foodie (Nutty like a Cook)!

  1. Love the photos and recipes. ::) Now following, I love to cook!

  2. I am so sorry that you have been dealing with insomnia and that you have a thyroid condition on top of it. It sounds like you have had a really difficult past couple years and I hope it gets easier. You deserve happiness and I hope you find it in Bangladesh or wherever you go next!

  3. Please don’t be sorry. I have what I have for some reason or other. Some reasons I know, others I will discover. If I didn’t have difficulty in my life I would be a boring old sod probably still sitting in London miserable as hell and probably filthy rich……hey maybe I would’ve been a banker….:-)

    I am happy! I am in Cambodia now! Thank you for your kind comment!!

  4. You are a very good writer, including culinary artist….Find your relationship posts and day to day things really interesting. Completely understand about the ex, my last 7 years has been hell with mine, as he and I cannot agree on anything, not anything…makes things so hard.

    I applaud you being a great father.

    • Thank you very much! I only managed it for my daughter. Me and my ex have also gone completely different paths. I guess somewhere along the line we’ve agreed to disagree. Also as my daughter lives with her and she takes wonderful care of her, I’m the one that had to give in to many many things. I guess in the end it’s for the best for all of us.

      • My ex will not give into zero, neither will I, it has been a battle since 2000. Been expensive, and just horrible. My ex is an ass, he is so aggressive and (model type) thinks he can do whatever he wants, and usually gets his way.

        My ex has always gotten his way due to looks, and just does never accept “no” on anything.

        That’s why now, I do not look at people based on beauty or handsomeness, because realized by my ex, that a person can be so ugly on the inside.

  5. I’m so sorry to hear that about your ex. Me and mine went through the German equivalent of ‘child custody office’. Something like the forerunner of the court that in the end decides who gets custody or legal rights to take care of and see the child. First instance she gave in because I would’ve won anyway. With winning I mean we had equal legal custody rights. She tried to take away my rights. The second time she tried it was awful for me. I cried SO MUCH. I was definitely equally at fault/responsible for all that happened. I asked God (I’m not religious but spiritual in my own way) what I should do? The answer was simple. Let her have what she wants. The result would be the same. I would still be able to be with my daughter as and when I wished but she would have all legal rights and decision making power. I gave in. She took away my rights as a father. In the end our relationship changed for the better (me and my ex). But it was still such an awful experience for me.

    I know I’ve been lucky in the sense that my ex would never stop me from being with my daughter. I have a close friend who got dealt the opposite side of the coin and hasn’t seen his son for years.

    I don’t want to give you any advice, I’ve learned it takes 2 to tango. If one person refuses to fight (even if they know they are right) then their is no more conflict. There can’t be. I had to say yes to almost everything. Broke my heart and everything I stood for! But in the end 12 years later it was the best decision for the wellbeing of my daughter.

    I hug you and give you strength and wish you that what is best for you and your child (children?) happens! ❤

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