Another day watching endless senseless movies…….animal planet followed by stupid American movies. And then there’s Bollywood!! I have to reach a certain point of nostalgia and dreamy “perfect love” yearnings before I turn to Bollywood for comfort. And today I’ve reached that point. If anything, Bollywood manages to jerk my tears out of their prehistoric hiding place buried deep in my chest….to bounce around freely in expression of family, everlasting love and belonging that is routed in a cultural hereditary notion that I am somehow Indian….??
One of my most repeated sentences in my life “no! I’m not Indian” – “I’m from Timbuktu” is what I’d like to add”!! But people usually wouldn’t understand that and I can’t be bothered with the extra explanation.
So when I watch Bollywood-a magic happens-I become Indian through and through!! I imagine meeting the love of my life and dancing in formation in bright colours to my wedding ceremony and errmmm…….living happily ever after!! I imagine she’s just perfect!! Traditional enough to understand what family means for us but modern enough to understand the entrapments of being alive in the 21st century.
But wait a second…?? How traditional am I?? And wouldn’t that make my parents the happiest people alive-me marrying some Indian or Bengali gal…..a fuckin’ nightmare!!!!! I don’t know what it is, but I’ve always been interested in girls that are NOT from the indian subcontinent. Maybe it’s the language, maybe the culture, I don’t know but I’d rather die single and miserable than be paired up in this way!!
So why does Bollywood affect me like this then?? It’s the dream!!! The dream that we can’t live for whatever reasons-because usually life happens after you fall in love!!-You get together, are happy for a while, move in (marry?) fight, have kid(s), fight some more, get bored (have an affair?) fight again….and eventually split up and wallow in sorrow of being a failed relationship (or a failure in relationships) and try and do the single mum/single dad thing…..
Bollywood is much more romantic! Much more fitting to our needs of emotional security. Better than the real thing. So today (just today) I comfort in the feelings I get from these fictitious stories of how perfect love can be…..even though I know it’s an illusion-it’s a happy one:-)!!