The title doesn’t really describe what I’m about to write but I like it and it sounds sort of tragic like Shakespeare (I have no literary patience or adoration for him after having to write bloody essays on Hamlet….or was it Romeo and Juliet??; for my GCSE’s-British final exams at the age of 16).
As always love is complicated…oh, did I mention that already in my last post a week or so back?? It’s amazing how I manage to have discussions and even arguments about the same F****** issues as in 3 out of 4 of my last relationships; all this in a language that is new and was very alien to me just 6 months back. My command of the language probably hardly surpasses a couple of hundred words but it REALLY is amazing that we can communicate issues of dire importance to our being who we are, what we think, like, dislike and even our past relationships.
One of the points of discussion (and frustration for me)…..is “who’s gonna cook today?”
I know this sounds really silly (and funny coming from someone who loves to cook) but just because I’ve been a single father for 5 years having my daughter with me 3 days in the week-being able to work, do the household shopping, cook, clean, take care and make time for my daughter, I hate even having the remote feeling of being taken advantage of. This is not an argument or challenge against any single mothers out there who do this everyday with more than one child where the b******* fathers have run off with their d*** squeezed tightly between their legs being a total p**** about taking any responsibility of the fact that it was 50% their act which resulted in the miraculous event of a child being born! And worse still not a penny comes out of their pockets either.
I am definitely not a model father and least of all lover / partner and am totally guilty of many bastardly deeds that fall under the category of “men” (…and no I do not hit women…or anyone actually, but I do get angry and can get loud…..and gleefully squish and drown ants in the hundreds that invade my kitchen and food)!
I mention all this because I was getting really miffed at the fact of being the one doing all the cooking, cleaning, washing, shopping etc, etc. Since we’ve suddenly gotten serious about our relationship she’s here most of the time (and that takes getting used to from a semi-permanent single-ite…..I just made that word up and it describes me perfectly) she can’t treat it like a hotel as before. As a casual relationship I don’t mind doing all the housework etc. etc. because it’s not everyday. Now it’s different. She goes on about the fact of some Cambodian men that sit at home and drink beer while their women and children go to work all day for the money they drink every evening. I know I’m not working at the moment but I’ve got an income that supports her too and blatantly said she’s no different at the moment. She comes round, eats, drinks beer, sleeps and then leaves when she feels like it whilst hardly doing housework voluntarily. Already a great deal has changed. She’s definitely doing her part now.
Back to the cooking problem: Out of the number of times I’ve cooked I noticed after my hours of loving laboring in my kitchen for my new love-she eats the simplest veggie dish, and at most tries 1 piece of meat or fish from the main dish and just eats rice. I realize that being Khmer, she’s used to mostly this food and I am making huge efforts to learn slowly about their dishes and cooking styles, but I can’t help but feel a little defeated about the fact she won’t even try (not one tiny spoonful) of my main dishes. If I’m lucky, she tries, says it’s delicious and then goes back to the simple veggie dish. The other alternative is she cooks a quick veggie dish herself and eats just that.
So, I blew my top a few days ago. “If you don’t like what I cook-then YOU COOK and show me what you like and how you do it!!” Sounds simple enough with a simple enough solution! I mean I really want to learn to cook Khmer food and not from the internet-but from how they cook here at home!! That’s what I want to learn to be able to do. I know they have many strange dishes some of which look and smell weird that I haven’t tried yet (we have many Bengali dishes that fit into this description). But I’m open! I want to learn to cook the dishes that most would run a mile from (see my next post!! :-))!
She said she’s scared I won’t like what she cooks. I’m no stranger to Cambodian food and definitely have a preference to the Asian culinary world compared to the European (except Italian). And just because I spend hours in the kitchen I in no way expect that from some else. In fact an omelette with rice tastes amazing when cooked by a loved one on a hungry stomach (I talked about the cook’s love going into the food in some earlier post).
Anyway, I’m learning once again to be in a relationship. Knowing the fact that sooner or later I’ll have to leave and go back to Europe-God knows for how long. But I will have to earn money again whilst seeing my daughter, family and friends. And I know me. I plan to come back here to live because I love it, but who knows what will happen along the way. I’m very clear about this to her. And that’s what’s in a way dire about our relationship. I don’t expect it to last because I don’t expect to stay here (in one country) for that long (as in my last 4 relationships). We shall see! We are both head over heels in love at the moment (with the harsh touch of reality) and it’s wonderful beyond description.