I’m drunk on Khmer whiskey. That’s a good start to a post eh?? Why?? Because me and my partner had a conversation about past relationships and sexual interactions. Why is it that I feel jealous about something before my time with her? I’ve felt this many times in the past where my logic tells me I don’t have a foot (or was that leg??) to stand on. I mean what happens before me is nothing to do with me. But FUCK, I have these feelings. And with all the work I’ve done on self awareness, I know that the emotions and feelings are mine. Nothing to do with her. I’m just reacting with something that belongs totally to me. What does it matter?? I feel shit!!! SO, gotta deal with it!!
How many times have I lectured on ‘feeling those feelings’ and not drowning out the sorrows especially with alcohol (or anything else for that matter)?? Now I’m doing just that!! I’m totally aware of myself and my feelings!! I know they are mine and nothing to do with my partner. Doesn’t make it any easier or help though!! I still feel SHIT!! I wont go into any details as this blog has it’s limits!!
I’ve almost finished the bottle all by myself-she’s not drinking much tonight! So I’m gonna go and get some more!! In case you were wondering, I am many things but not a drinker!! The Khmer whiskey is only 20%. Anyway, forget the ‘Rechtfertigung’! What does that mean in English?? Trying to explain something out of the way that I think might be wrong:-)!
So I’m gonna publish whatever I’ve written before I conk out or something else happens???? In a sober state I’ll be all rational. And that can be such a pain in the arse sometimes!!
I’ll add some smileys and pretend nothings happening…. 🙂 🙂 🙂